Witch's First Rule

It's a new day.

2010-05-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

I feel so good today. I'm not sure if it's because it was chilly when I threw in my laundry this morning. Oregon mornings in May are just awesome, if I do say so myself... which I will. :)

Mornings aside, I think it might be a right time in the morning to think about what it means to be a human being in this world. There's a line from the Bhagavad Gita that a lot of people might recognize from their history books. J. Robert Oppenheimer said it to describe part of the way he felt after the completion of the Trinity test. "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds." In all of the major religious texts of the world, there is always something powerfully evil pushing it's way into the world in the end. Even among children, the seers of all, have their own tales that give a bleaker, more hopeless account of life and the reasons why things are.

Is this just a ploy to lure in those non-believers who feel a story can't end perfectly? Or is there truly something that even children can sense that encroaches upon Earth that could completely wipe it out?

I blame assassin's creed 2 for this most recent introspection on the life, the world and everything.

.out

Politics in Oregon

2010-05-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

Living as a teenager in Gresham, Oregon is a very unique experience. I have to deal with the Scotland festival at Mount Hood Community College every year and the people who try to park in my neighborhood. I get to ride the MAX to the Saturday Market when I have the time and enjoy the wonderful street food and performances by Skidmore fountain. I'm not the type of person who will drive a Hummer when they get their license, but honestly I'm having a good enough time dealing with the time discrepancies of the bus routes on 247th and Division. But why should that matter? I'm a senior in high school moving on to college soon, and only slightly worried about how my children are going to pay for the amount of debt incurred over the last ten years by our wonderful country's president.

Don't get me wrong. I love the country that I live in - we have the most cultural diversity in the world and some of the highest amount of freedom in the world. Freedom of speech, freedom of press and a bunch other wonderful goodies. But I have to admit that I'm scared for our country's future. I've seen how Greece has progressed with their debt and the riots that keep popping up. I'm worried that if we keep going a liberal way, we might end up the same way as Greece.

I'm worried. I want my country to realize that we have to curb our spending. But what use is a high school girl's opinion in a sea of distress?

IB Exam Trauma.

2010-05-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

This is what I need. I have my first, and only, IB Senior English, section 3 exam coming up in a few hours. I'm hoping that before I get to the point that I'm going to puke, that I'll be able to defeat the test with flying colors. So says the optimist in me.

Part of me feels like the world is trying to go against me right now, because I've got the show coming up next week, which I've had to take off from work, I still have to fix my beloved laptop (I'm writing this on my boyfriend's lump of metal), and I need to find a way to earn enough money to replace my now trashed Wacom tablet. I figured that, by now, I should be done with some of the stuff I've been working on... a few requests by people, drawings for characters, concept art for my project, "Caspien", and beginning my college sketch book.

All 388 pages of my old sketch book are almost filled, but not full enough. It has four years of my work in it... the progression of my style and how I've finally begun to get an idea on what I'm going to do when I turn pro. Should I ever. Now, I'm just hoping that by the end of today I will be in one piece and be able to finish one of three last drawings I have left on my list. Then I can start putting the right cover on my old book and start looking for that perfect replacement. Here's to luck.. oh, and 19 days left of my senior year. Holy shit.

Somebody trade me!

2010-04-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

Well I have finally given into the Pokemon craze. I bought a used DS lite and Pokemon Soul Silver over the weekend, and have been frantically leveling up my pokemanz.

I remember watching the show when I was growing up, and my friends throwing me all their random cards they didn't want. I had a pikachu and a charmander and that was it. Back then, there were only 3 evolutions for EV and Team Rocket used a Koffing and Ekans. There were only 150 pokemon back then... how can there be almost 500 now? Did they have an orgy while I was growing up? lol

Anyway, I have to say I'm really liking the DS. Along with SS, I also got Brain Age. Some of the uses of the DS can be hard to understand (and saying the colors of the word into the mic can be a pain if you aren't used to fully enunciating your words), but I think it's one of the better systems I now own.

What's the best game/system combination you have?

Wonder wonder wonder.

2010-04-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

So for the last few weeks, I've been working on the latest stuff for the new campaign that I'm playing in. An update to my DeviantART has some of that good artwork and the piece of fiction that I recently posted on here if anyone is interested. Not like anyone reads my blog anyway :D

More importantly I think is that I finally managed to get Kyle's laptop, so now we have a backup and he has at least his computer. Should make life at my house a bit easier but since we both like doing the same things the bandwith will probably go down after a time. I have a few more things left to do before I can get my computer fixed, but it should be done soon.

When I came to school today I peeked in on the 5th period class to see what they were doing. Most of our kids right now from that class are at the Oregon State Acting competition in Eugene. The class was watching the DVD of our Associate awards from last year, where we honor the hard work that everyone has done the last school year on and backstage. There are performances from throughout the year - last year we featured people who had placed high in competitions of both acting & choral music. One of the last parts of the night is the performance of the juniors with the Junior Dedication and then the seniors with our Swan Song.

The class was watching the part of the DVD with the dedication from last year's juniors - this years seniors. As I watched and remembered how sucky it was knowing everyone was leaving at that time I realized something extremely dumb. I'm leaving this year. Along with everyone else. Sure, I'll be in town and I'll be able to help out on the weekends, but I'm graduating this year from high school. This time in a few months I'll be at MHCC studying another language and working on college theatrical costumes. I'll be paying for school and working, much like I am right now, but with less time to do the homework. I will have officially broken through my teen years.

Holy crap. Where did my time go?

2010-04-06T15:33:00.001-07:00

CARAVAN

By Kelsy Smith

Associated with Robert Bensema, Ryan Casto, Sarah ___, Anthony Michaud, Andrew Sappington and Justin Shields.

Chapter 1.

I feel the adrenaline in my feet, arms and ears. The normal whispers that always enter my mind... my Vestige, telling me the things I wouldn't otherwise know about the people around the room I was about to enter. Room? No, that isn't a room. It's a tent. I smell the ovens cooking the dinner for the hundreds of people we were entertaining tonight. I feel a tingle of electricity come from behind me and I laugh to myself. Donovan is having fun tonight with his jumps. The music that filters in vaguely from the main tent is fun and Jesse is coiling herself around my arm.

My fanfare begins to play, and I walk three steps. Three steps and I disappear. "MEREDITH CRAWLOR... THE TATTOED WOMAN WHO CAN DIVINE YOUR PAST, AND YOUR FUTURE!"

I reappear in swirls of blue and gold, the center of the ring. Jesse is tight on my arm, waiting for the right moment to reappear as a solid animal for the crowd. I speak my bit, sway my hips so my costume hugs myself and twirls in a mysterious ways that make this dumb group of people wonder what exactly lies beyond the mountains of the east. It's time to figure out who is my first target, and the man sitting in the second row, missing two front teeth, is perfect.

Portly belly and yellowed teeth. Expensive shirt, but the hem along the bottom is of twine. His hair is a ruddy mess, and his hands are not callused enough to afford his lifestyle. This must be a political figure. I wonder what secrets his soul holds? Every Tuesday he goes to a race to win money on the rigged races.... good thing his wife is home with their child, isn't it? it says.

The familiar voice. This will be good. Yes... it will be very good.

"The spirits are speaking to me already! Someone in your midst.. a he... yes, a man! HE enjoys... those sweet muffins! No, sorry, not you sir... your girth is not nearly large enough!" The crowd is in awe as they look amongst themselves. I spin around dramatically, my hand over my eyes pointing around frantically until I stop dead on the man, with Jesse coiling back into existence.

A woman screams, and there are gasps all around. I open my eyes and see the fat man looking at me with disgusted interest.

"You! Yes, yes it is you... I am getting a J." He looks around at everyone in the crowd, thinking someone had given him away to me. Oh, your wisdom is so low... I continue with my ditty, enjoying every second of it and have him crying by the end of it. I bow to the applauding crowd, having Jesse collect the silver pieces being flung at me in a small bag. I take my three steps, moving in a circle and clap my hands above my head, disappearing in the blue and gold once again until I'm out of the light and under the stage. Ella is down below with me, collecting the money I have earned.

"You keep on doing that thing with the snake and someone might suspect we aren't natural!" Ella, the cute little gnome lute-player who always has a way with words, stashed the little sack into the box we keep under our big top. "I have to say, I like what you're doing with the exit, it's getting more gold than just walking off."

"I figured it would be a good idea, little one. Better get topside soon." I smiled at her. Gnomes weren't all too common in this area of the world anymore. In fact, I hadn't seen very many until she joined our circus. Curious little things.

I made my way upstairs and out the back door, and headed toward the kitchen coach. I saw Finn leaning off the side, ladle in one hand, twirling the hair of what I guessed to be a local girl. I caught the last part of the conversation.

"Oh, you are just so beautiful! I would love you to come to my table. Yes, please. You must." The girl giggled and whispered an answer into his ear, and then skipped off. I walked up next to the window and laughed quietly.

"Finn, you won't ever get under the skirts of a girl in these small towns. Wait until the big ones or you'll just get your hopes up for no reason." I grabbed a bowl and motioned toward the big cauldron bubbling that didn't smell terribly of beef.

"But the girls... even the boys! They are both just so beautiful. All of them, almost everywhere we go!" He held up his hands in distress, his hair changing from watermelon pink and green to a more depressed tone before leaning back on the ledge, ladling a good portion of the worker's dinner. "Merry, your life is just too easy.. you do not fall for anyone so easily! But I, a lover.. I love too much."

"Don't worry Finn, maybe some day we'll get you a nice boy for you to settle down with." Finn smiled and waved me off, going back to playing with some of his contraptions, adjusting his hair and cleaning off parts of his face from the grim that comes with cooking duty.

I can hear laughs and the dull rings of music coming from the tent, the few blasts of air going through the crowd pushing the door open for a few seconds. The fence near the area our tent is set up is lined by a few fallen trees, and I sit down to eat my dinner. It's generally quiet now that I'm farther away from the hustle.

I feel the wind blow a bit more and the last of the clouds in the night sky dissipate. The moon is big on the Western side of the continent. I let my thoughts drift a bit, pulling a knee up under my chin and looking at the reflection of the moon in a puddle that had formed from the last night's rains.

The world here is so much colder than where I began. So much bleaker. There isn't any blinding heat, and no threat of death... life everywhere, even in the summer. But the winters freeze over. It seems vaguely familiar, but for some reason I can't bring myself to remember where it had been that I had felt the winter chill. The world then was so alien to me.. indeed, it's still alien. I can sense in myself that there is something terribly wrong with me. Something beyond Khaeleth and the eyes. The secrets I had gained access to were something unique to this life. But when we would visit the churches, an act of good faith on the part of our carnival, there was something familiar about them, but not all together comforting.

Donovan plops down on my right side, crossing his legs and cracking his knees in the process. He grins and makes the funny face he does when he does something he knows will bug me. I had known Donovan the longest out of the rest of my fellow carnies.

"Well lass! What are ye doing all by y'self?" He gave me a one-eyed look, before shoveling a large spoonful of the stew into his mouth. He always tended to slip into this weird accent whenever he was concerned for someone.

"Oh nothing. Never gotten used to these cold winters." I rubbed my shoulders and looked up at the moon before giggling at the site of seeing Finnegan chasing after another set of boys.

"You'd think he would learn by now that he won't find a guy that would go to bed with him by now," Donovan said, finishing the last of the stew. The look on his face seemed elsewhere than on the idea of Finnegan. My head was also. I looked at him thinking about what to say, and there was a bit of silence while I finished my own food.

"You'd also think that our bosses would give us a bit more information on what our futures held than just 'Eat here, walk there'." I had known Donovan since I arrived here, and still there were times I thought he was holding out on me when we would speak. Donovan put his bowl down below him and leaned back on his rock, his gaze turning to the stars.

"Simplicity is a nice thing. It's nice when you aren't driven out of town for supposedly cursing a crop, or being wicked. When you are only spending a few days in any given town, you can relax yourself and not worry about people seeing you as a freak. When you work in a circus, well... no one questions why things are. They will accept that they are only well placed tricks of perception." He closed his eyes and smiled. "We know it's not a mystery, but they don't and that's all I care about."

Simplicity. It was the same for everyone else I had talked to... no questions about who you were, where you came from. None even about what you were. There was more silence and I could hear the slow exit of the crowd. It must have been midnight. Slowly a few more people began coming over; Ella weary-eyed. Zalnitarius, the Genasi fire-soul with the strength of a bear, and Finnegan. Frank came not long after clutching one of his pads of paper, carefully drawing Finnegan in one of his many states. Before long our mentors, Varen, Daelus and Shade, came and sat by the fire. Patrick made the biggest entrance with a bang. He was Frank's mentor. We slowly ate our dinner and talked loudly, but before long Varen wanted to speak with us and everyone quieted down.

The show had been a blinding success. We had enough money to tide us over financially for a few months, leaving us free to travel. Everyone had been excellent the last few weeks, and they were proud of us. They wanted to speak with us individually later.. Donovan to Varen, Ella to Daelus and I to Shade.

Shade was an older man of about sixty. His hair had all but disappeared from his head, but where it was gone was replaced by silvered markings swirling around it. His left eye was all but blind... but it had a slight glow from it. He was like me in some respects. He too had made a promise in order to gain power. I was to meet him later that night in his tent.

It was about seven songs later and three deep mugs of mead before I walked to his tent. There was candlelight coming from beyond the flap, with a few dots of color pouring out. I knocked on one of the barrels outside of his tent with my foot.

"What? Oh! Yes. Come in." His voice was scruffy and thick with booze. Inside were his usual toys.. a crystal ball filled with a light colored smoke. The air smelt of thick incense and the books splayed open across his cot. He was sitting at a small makeshift desk with his monocle in his good eye and had some sort of green energy swirling around his hand. "AH Yes.. this will do nicely. Evening, Merry."

"Evening," I said and cleared a spot on his cot and sat down. "What did you want to talk to me about?" Shade was turning a small silver spoon around in his hand and looked at his reflection in it carefully before suspending it above him for a moment before setting it on his table.

"Well.. as you can tell, I am quite old." He hadn't turned to me yet and was still looking at the spoon. He heaved a mix between a cough and a sigh and turned, his face heavy with some sort of deep emotion. "Much too old to be traveling around with a bunch of vibrant people."

"What are you talking about? You aren't much older than I am, are you?" I grinned at him and he smiled in return, hooking his thumbs under his suspenders. "But seriously Shade, there can't be anything beyond our group worth pursuing is there?"

"Ah, but I have been doing this for many years, Merry. You've been here how long, four or five years? And how old are you in this reincarnation?" He leaned back and closed his eyes taking a deep breath. "Meredith, you know I'm nearing my time. The deal I made can't last forever."

That was something that had brought us together when I first became a part of the circus. I had made a deal to get my power. I had seen something during those days in the desert. It never fully revealed itself to me. It seemed familiar but too distant. I can remember what it told me however.

Stand up. Don't just lie down and take what the world is giving you. You are above this! Stand up and I can give you more power than you could possibly desire.

I can't.

No, you won't. Stand up and show me that you can survive.

But the heat... I can't see.

I can be your eyes. Just trust me. Now stand up.

Shade was looking at me intently before he rustled around in one of the boxes he had open. He threw out a few books, and a piece of cloth and threw me something small. It was scrawled in something I wasn't familiar with, but I could tell there was different versions of the same word along the cover. It was heavy in my hands and I could feel something powerful in it. Magic was pouring out of every nook and cranny that was exposed in this book.

"A dear friend of mine gave that to me when I was young. It has everything in it you need to learn the languages necessary to survive around here," Shade came over to me and opened the book, running his finger above one of the lines that was in a language I could read. "Primordial.. Elvish.. even some of the languages of the Underdark.. yes it exists, don't look at me like that.. they're all written here. Their grammatical rules and phonetic sounds."

"Did you use it to learn those languages, too?" I ran my finger under one of the lines marked Celestial, the letters forming beneath my finger in sparkling whisps of script. I felt myself making the connections in my brain of what all the words were and how they sounded rolling off the tongue.

"I never used it." Shade was quiet as he sat back down on his stool. "In fact, I never opened it before tonight. I guess I knew it would have a better owner worth it's weight by the time I felt like opening it."

The book seemed familiar to me, but I didn't know what to make of it. I stashed it away into my pack and had a brief conversation with him before retiring to my tent and turning in for the night. We were due to arrive on a large city in the next few days, so we were to leave early that morning. Something about this next town sounded important. Maybe it was all the people intimidating me, or maybe it was just the idea of a big payout. It was probably the money.

Chapter 2.

When we woke up the next morning, our mentors were already awake and standing by the caravans. Some of the hired hands were helping us pack, and others were just now also waking up. I noticed that a lot of my friends probably were in the same boat that I was; our mentors were leaving their jobs to us. Donovan was standing by Varen, laughing heartily about something terribly funny and Zal's fire was bleeding a bit differently today from his pores. Instead of the usual deep purples or reds that would come out in little spouts, it was blue and green. Finnegan took on the appearance of a timid little man, and Ella seemed a mix between sad and deep in thought. Frank was doodling the sunrise, using yellow and green for the sun.

As I walked over to them, Frank jumped and something caught on fire. It was quickly put out by Finnegan, who just so happened to have a bucket of water near him.

More on the story.

2010-04-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

Another update on the new story is now live. Please see the link on the right of the page! Ryan and I, the storm sorceror introduced on the first two pages, have been talking in an effort to develop both of our characters a bit more. The air between the two will probably change next edit, and the mentors might change a bit on DM's discretion. Keep on reading!

Story in the works!

2010-03-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

The last few months have been crazy. Along with graduation prep & prom rushes, my Dungeons & Dragons group finally finished all 30 levels my DM, Ryan outlined for us. It ended with a bang. Here's a little snippet of how the last few days we met went.

After finding out that our children died, half of the characters were in a state of disbelief and anger. Nerull himself had been sent down by the Raven Queen to pick us up and warn us of what might be coming. I think it had been initially Eldeth's idea, the dwarven cleric, to just go with them. Instead, Zephidadrious, lovingly referred to as Zephy, our wizard, instead felt it was our time to fight the powers of Nature. Indeed, the Raven Queen (in this world) was the epitomy of balance and had been watching us for some time.

Ashira, the longtooth shifter shaman, had lost her only connection to the world and was ready to fight to defend what she had left in it - the people of Onturas and those that would fight with us. Theron, who was Cuthbert in disguise, had raised Ashera in game. He had the group, us being the good-natured folk who just wanted the best for the world, blindsided by his own agenda. That was to get all of the god fragments from the higher gods, and bind them back to Tharizdun, who was the husband of the Raven Queen in our game lore. There was plenty of work on our part that had to be done.. the retrieving of the Eye of Vecna, the flying cape that enchanted the city of Dawn's Gate's community chambers to the bearer of it, usually the emperor. A few other relics, and then he betrayed us all and sent us to the plane that the gods had cursed Demogorgan and the Turrassque to spend eternity on, fighting.

-deep breath-

We, spending a mere 21 days on the cursed plane, aged a total of 11 years... the passing of time being distorted by the Feign. The Feign being the only one with the power to morph time and space to his bidding, cursing someone with aging in a short period of time, or blessing them with another dozen years. After getting back to Tiaraman from Dalaman (the proper names of these worlds), we find that Cuthbert, the bloody bastard who sold us out to Pelor ended up trying to be the good guy but in the end, had only caused more pain. Gods themselves, two of them by the time we got there, were splayed on pikes on an abnormal conglomeration of the world's features... the tower of Orkus, and part of the islands that bound the Turrassque to the world.

Our children gone, we took up the task of reviving Tharizdun ourselves. Cuthbert, blinded by his own rage and hatred could not be allowed to continue in his rampage. One by one, we sought out the remaining gods. Tiamat herself, lackies in tow, went down like a bat shot with a sniper. All of their shards were absorbed by people in our party, the power adding to our own to the point that we became in part a type of god in ourselves. Next, Corellon, haughtily trying to shoot at us with his bow, went down and in anger, his body we splayed out for Cuthbert proving that we could reach his power and didn't have to come to lure the gods to our doorstep to succeed. When we had gotten enough, it was time for the next step... the slaying of the Turrassque, and to remake the world anew.

I would go into all of the details but it would take way too long to list. If you're interested in my story, the beginnings of my boyfriend's new 4E campaign, then drop me a line. It's available on Google Docs by request only for now.

Stay cool.

Story idea

2010-01-12T14:33:00.000-08:00

trains don't always start out as graceful functioning machines. The usher a sense of industrialism, power and strength when paired with the idea of manifest destiny. our purpose, our hopes and our dreams, all plotted out by a higher power and put into effect by its belivers. Its belivers who feel magic is hateful, hell is a sinners final destination and the only train operators are those without family and an understanding of love. Relationships are just that, and in this world a relationship is a gift, from one class to another and never another way around. When the reports began coming about sightings of this train, i shrugged them off at first as being a druggie's ravings. The things he told me will haunt me from this day because of just how truthful he had been.
''hate breeds ignorence! Fear breeds punishment!'' he would yell. Just more ice talking. But his eyes were steady, and empty of a lie. I believed it to be another side effect, but he persisted even in solitary confinement.

Studies. What I have seen.

2009-09-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

This last week, I finally bought the book I've been waiting a year for. A book by a man named Aaron Leitch, titled Secrets of the Magickal Grimoires. Sounds like it's a bunch of hooey, but honestly, it isn't. It is about the size of a paperback textbook, with a good 400+ pages in tiny print. The table of contents include dissertation on Abramelin, the keys of Solomon, and Armadel. That's just the first chapter.

Most of my previous and recent studies have been including of traditional British Witchcraft, Tarot and Meditative trances or Journeying. I think it was FT who got me curious about the Keys in the first place, because of the arcane language used to write them. My dad found a book that's first edition was written in the early 1900's, which detailed some of the practices behind the Keys and various other practices.

In other news, highlighting a few of what my comparisons to other books have led me to. I've checked these facts with "first hand resources"; got in touch with my friend who was raised Jewish and is a scholar, and emailed the professor of Theology at the community college and one at Multnomah Bible Seminary. Original sources for the Keys and Abramelin were also used..

Merkavah, merkaba, מרכבה. It mentioned basics, so I went out and did outside research. It's a form of Judaic mysticism that's quite interesting - evidence of it's use in Ezekiel and perhaps (can't be sure) Revelations.

The Nicene Creed and the addition of a few words by a French priest to make it fit a Gregorian chant is what led to part of the reasoning for separation of Orthodox and Catholic.

The King of France, Phillip le Bel instated his own Bishop of Bordeaux when he couldn't coerce the Pope to suppress the Templars and to gain their riches - he failed miserably.

King Solomon apparently cast a brass vessel into a lake, and the Babylonions, thinking it was treasure, retrieved it and released the spirits he had used. Think Pandora's Box.

Continuing off of what was said above, similarities between Aladdin and the Lamp and how spirits were said to be trapped?

blah blah blah, Armadel, Ars Noverus, Dee Diaries, repeating what was already said, etc.

On to the Shamanism chapter.

Act of the shaman going through a near-death experience - a primer for escorting those to and from the land of the dead? Kinda like driving the route to work before your first day to find the quickest way.

Solve et Coagula, the breaking down of the matter to be changed into a more valuable resource. Basically, spiritual alchemy. The journey of a Shaman begins with the breaking down of their very body - in a spiritual sense - and making each of them strong, making them back into the one they were before but with more strength and the ability to navigate the roads to different spirits.

The breaking down of their body, in some shape or form, is a similar occurance in those I've spoken to (this last year at Pagan Faire I was able to talk to a woman who is a practicing Nez Perce medicine woman).

This leads me to believe the shaman's initiatory period, either the spiritual body dismemberment or the near-death sickness causes them to "symbolically suffer all the ills that he would later be called upon to heal".

All I have for now. Tried looking for an indepth book on מרכבה at Barnes & Noble and the cheapest one was $71.. looks like Powell's this weekend it is.

Life

2009-08-17T20:10:00.000-07:00

For so long now, I haven't really been able to say anything regarding friendship. I have no opinion. I have none. But the last few months have really been the key to me figuring out what friendship means - and the pain that comes with it.

The last few months, I've been spending more time working or just alone than with my friends. But, these aren't people I'd call amazing. Yes, they've overcome their hardships just like anyone else in this day and age. And my boyfriend... yes, he, too I have been neglectful with. But please, let me explain.

You see, my mother has bipolar disorder. Depression. Cholesterol problems. Breathing problems, no doubt stemming from too long on the coffin nails, but they're there nonetheless. She is on multiple types of medication that even I have no idea regarding. And, I am her daughter. I don't doubt that I inherited them, but there's nothing to say that I won't end up like her one day. I vowed never to smoke, and I plan to stick by that. But the medication is insane. I don't know what I would do if I was ever prescribed the levels of pain medication that she is.

I try to keep my head held high. I spend my time doing things hopefully to cheer myself up, like cooking or playing on my 360. But, there are these times. Times like these where I feel like there's a lead weighted vest on me. Like someone is holding a gun to my head, and I can feel the weight of it on my chest, and in my soul. I always feel like there really nothing I can do about it. Kyle... well, he's he. He loves me no matter what, and I owe him that much. But when the very people who you've grown up with figuratively abandon you, it's hard. It's harder when you can't get the people who you miss to understand what you're feeling.

I have a life better than some that I know. But there's still an emptiness in me. I had it in middle school, when.. I woke up one day. I don't remember what it was from. But whatever it was, I couldn't control it. I couldn't keep it, and it doesn't feel like I was meant to.

I'm nothing more than a woman in this world. I wish I could control how I left my mark.

Crafty Crafty - Witch on a Sew-binge.

2009-07-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

In the last few months, I've managed to get a sewing machine, a stack of fat quarters and full dollars (or well, yards of free fabric), and a proper job. With the economy as it is, it's REALLY hard to figure out back-to-school things. One of the things I've been worrying about, since my dad lost his job in April, was what I'm going to do about clothing.

After getting a feel for the sewing machine (Kenmore 385, first project was two pillow cases for the couch), I googled projects/DIY stuff and came upon this awesome little website called ThreadBanger. An alternative, sort of against the grain DIY website dedicated to refurbishing, thrifting, and overall just do-it-yourself funness. Since discovering this website, I've finally broken out of my clothing shell and given my taste in clothing a total overhaul.

Projects I've finished include a halter coverup for summer, some pretty bows, and my current projects are a pinup style halter with a lace trim, and a "Gothic Lolita" styled skirt refurbed from two hideous dresses.

I got an email back from what I thought to be a dead-end posting on Craigslist - and lo' & behold, I ended up getting the job a few weeks later and today is my first official day on the job. The money is going towards not only a serger sometime in the future (those are just incredible, aren't they?), a body form and my first paycheck I'm taking my family out to dinner.

Anything else? Oh yeah! Check out North Mountain - it's my favorite pictures from my gallery. So professional, huh? :)

Witch's Late Night - What to Eat

2009-06-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me can say for sure that I love rich, flavorful food. Nothing hits the spot better than something that's full of flavor, character or tells a story. But what to eat late at night, especially on a full moon?

Peanut Butter & Jelly. Strawberry jelly, that is. Or any special fruity jelly. Things like apricots, strawberries and marionberry jelly and preserves are among my favorites to spread over wheat bread, squished together with fresh peanut butter. And for that perfect extra crunch, try spreading some Rice Crispies over it! You'll be surprised just how yummy it is.
Ramen & Eggs. A good friend of mine turned me onto this. It's really good, really hearty, but probably not something you should eat every day because of the salt from the flavor packet. But right after I finish draining the noodles, I'll crack an egg in, and add the flavoring, mixing it. Generally if you have good pans that hold heat, the egg will cook slowly until you feel like plopping it out. I prefer having mine half cooked, and using the Oriental flavoring.
Coffee-mug Cake. Yep, you heard me. The recipe for this can be found here, at a forum I frequent for my crafts. This is easy to make, and tastes delicious! Just make sure you clean your microwave beforehand, or that teriyaki you heated up earlier that exploded will come back to haunt you.

What's your favorite eats? :)

Responsibility of the Clergy

2009-04-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

The responsibilities of the traditional church, in which are commonly know & associated with the Catholic and Christian churches of the world, range from performing weddings, christenings, confirmations and funerals. Why then is the title "minister" or "clergy" immediately synonymous with Christianity?

A minister's duty, especially as an ordained minister, is to perform the said functions. It is their duty to, in their community, be as teacher, friend, confidant, therapist and leader for the people who are a part of their ministry.

They should not teach hate and discrimination, nor that they are set apart and that the rest of the world that does not follow their teachings will burn in eternal fire.

A minister should teach love. A minister should teach right from wrong, with good values as set forth in the charter of their ministry. There shouldn't be differences in how each member of the clergy are treated by those who devote their time and effort into building the ministry into a large one. Each person is entitled their own time for emotional, mental and physical support.

I say this in affirmation, understanding of my duties as part of the clergy. I say this because I believe religion should not be a barrier between people, and I also feel that those who seek counsel should not be denied.

Swine Flu: The Low-Down on the Immune Come-Down

2009-04-27T15:34:00.001-07:00

A mere week ago, it was unheard of. But now, a mortality rate of around 12% has the world panicked regarding a flu that began in Mexico and has since spread to the United States, Canada and Spain.

Here in the states, there have been 20 confirmed cases in Texas and California, and another 6 in Canada. The suspected cause for the outbreak? Bad sanitation.

Swine Flu (or Swine Influenza) is a virus that, when it underwent a mutation in it's genetic code, was able to pass from human to human. In Mexico, bad working conditions are the probable cause for the transmission of the new virus from pigs to human workers. Swine Flu is tends to attack the respiratory system more heavily than the traditional strains of flu the U.S. is used to seeing during cold season.

Now, anyone who washes their hands with frequency, drinks lots of water and tends to not share their straws or drinks with other people are a lot less likely to contract any sort of virus or cold. If you hear of breakouts of swine flu in your area, keep a face mask handy in your coat pocket when you're out and about. And Emergen-C tends to be a handy thing, which will at least put your mind at ease if you fear you're at risk for contracting Swine Flu.

Now for the part you've been waiting for. What does this have to do with anything you write here? Well, that one's simple. A great friend of mine once explained that everything, ultimately, is just levels of energy that are swirling around in either positive swirls (love, a good movie, or a healthy glow) or negative swirls (emotional pains, self-inflicted sickness, etc). I say that because that energy can be directed. People who are familiar with the craft are likely to understand what I'm saying here. Younger people who might have experienced their first circle or time at church at a young age might subliminally understand this. Singing hymns in a church, spiral dances, praying.. those are all different ways of raising and directing energy.

I'm not saying the next time you get sick, to dance in a circle naked with mud smeared on your body. But I'm saying that proper nutrition and care of your physical body with the right medication when it's needed, along with the random healing tea or session of reiki is definitely beneficial. Relaxing if you're in a stressful environment is immensely important. So, take a few minutes out of your day and thank whatever or whoever it is you follow for your health, and to reflect on what you've been given. Send healing energy the way of someone you might know who's got a cold, or to just the general idea of world health. It's good for you, and the world. :)

)o(

Stimulus or Socialism?

2009-04-16T09:40:00.001-07:00

IMG_0100
Originally uploaded by insomnical

"So, are you going to the tea party?" my dad asked me when I came home from school last night. And then I realized that it was the TEA Party: Taxed Enough Already Party.

When I got to downtown Portland at Pioneer Courthouse Square, the amount of people who was there was staggering. Six thousand people, ranging in ages from six months to over seventy years old were gathered in the plaza, holding signs protesting the over-spending of the Government, and how much of a mistake we made by electing Obama into office.

The speakers in the center of it all were talking about community, having a barbecue with our neighbors, and to begin talking about the issues. Calling our government and telling them we aren't happy with them, and giving them a taste of our dislike of their level of spending.

Another thing the announcer said was that this wasn't just a Republican meeting. It was a Democrat protest. It was for everyone, because this effects everyone.

This is no longer one war. It's all of ours.

Tilling the Magic

2009-04-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

It's something I know only a few people do on a day to day basis, and something I bet people don't exactly realize they can do with their flower gardens.

A simple pot of basil or sage not only is an advantage when cooking Italiano, but the advantages of using fresh sage for a ritual can be greater than using dried or even store-bought. A raised bed can have several herbs, perhaps even some of the "lunar garden" variety to bring a air of mystique and ethereal scenery to your next outdoor ritual.

Think about the past for a second though. The Druids had the right idea of having groves of trees, some fruit or nut-bearing, and the witch's of past seemed to always have a good holistic knowledge when it came to which plants were best for a headache, birthing pains, or to get rid of boils, and they also knew which ones to steer clear of (Nightshade, for instance, should still be handled with care and gloves).

If you're thinking about investing in a "magic garden", get your hands on a good book. Or three. One for basic gardening, that might have what climate you're in, and what's native to your area. This will give you a good idea of what will and will not grow in your area. If you have shade, use it. Full sun? Odds are there's something there. Remember that some plants, particularly types of mints, can be invasive an spread like wildfire through your garden. Keep them (and other invasive types) in separate containers. There are a lot of herbs & plants that are natives to Oregon that I keep in mine. The next, would be a good 'magical' correspondence. The one by Scott Cunningham (because his information has proven itself to me, and many others time and time again) is a great starting point. His book should be used as a supplement to your "guide to gardening" book, since it goes more into what you can use each herb for.

Finally, if you want to get serious about gardening with a purpose, get a book on natural remedies. Simple things like diuretics, blood clotters, and anti-bacterial plants can be used to make different types of remedies for every day things, for diarehhea, a cut, or using in place of soap.

One important final note, always read about what you're using or growing. Know it, inside and out, even if you have to buy or borrow a book on it. Black Salve, while it could help with getting a bee stinger out, is corrosive and can cause tissue damage. Know the difference between plants, local and exotic, if they're in your garden. If you can, write labels for each area of plants with a warning if they're poisonous to be ingested or touched. If you have children playing in or around your garden, teach them about which herbs can hurt them, or keep the plants in a place out of reach if they're potted.

And most of all, get your green thumb on!

In the springtime of the year, when the leaves are crowned with green

2009-04-05T09:05:00.000-07:00

...When the Ash and Oak, and the Birch and Yew
Are dressed in ribbons fair..
Loreena McKennitt, Mummer's Dance

Yep. It's finally beginning to warm up here in the great Northwest. With the coming of spring, brings the birds, Saturday Market, tank tops, Easter baskets and swimming. And of course, outdoor rituals.

My share of outdoor rituals have always included some aspect of Brigid, singing to raise energy, and incredible surprises by nature before, during & after the ritual. I've had instances where the sun has drifted in and out of the clouds during key points in the ritual, when we've invoked the Sun God, and also from the local animal life while calling the elements.

For anyone who's either new in the Craft, or long time practitioners, spring is generally a time of renewal, and a time to celebrate the maiden aspect of ourselves as women & the youth aspect for men. Both are times of learning in our lives.. and at this point, we're young, and tend to do things on a whim instead of carefully planning. It's also representative of the very fruitfulness that youth gives us, and the holidays I recognize that are associated with this are Ostara and Beltane, or Easter and May Day (March 21st and May 1st).

Ostara is one of the holidays that Christianity took the date and changed the meaning of, to put it simply. The date for Easter varies with each year, but Ostara is generally on the Spring Equinox, anywhere from March 21-22nd. This is the date that most people who identify as Pagan feel that the earth is waking up from her slumber, and the world is becoming ever abundant in food, nature, and in children. The wheel paralled with the life of the Goddess as taken from the Wiccan belief system, her son (the reincarnated God) is growing strong. The light of the world is back, and we celebrate by channeling the energy to take out the negative thoughts, and leave space for the positive to thrive. A lot like spring cleaning! Take out the old for the new. :)

May Day, or Beltane, is well after the equinox. It is the time the world is warm, and our souls gravitate towards one another. With the wheel, it represents the height of spring at it's warmest and the unity of the Goddess and the God. If you've ever played with a May Pole, well... let's just say it's more of a phallic symbol than anything else. It's the time that the Maiden takes her first step towards becoming the Mother. This is generally a fertility holiday, for livestock, mother nature and for humanity.

My rituals for these times include offerings of salt and fruit, ribbons in hair to represent the weave of the world in time, and dancing. They're supposed to be social things, and dancing (espeically a Spiral Dance) is great for not only breaking down the barriers between people who might not have met before, but also for raising energy to channel towards a bountiful year. I tend to do a demonstration including an apple for people I know are new, showing the natural star the seeds make in the fruit, and then cutting it up to share with those around us.

Jesus did something similar, using the bread and wine as his body and blood. It represents something deeper than that however. His life ended violently, for a belief of God. This time of year is also a good time to remember those who have lost their lives for beliving in a higher purpose which spans beyond themselves.

Martin Luther King, Jesus, our family and friends who have gone to a war and not come home... yes, not all of these situations and people died completely for a good cause. But think of what they believed in. What they changed in the world. They had their own purposes that they felt strongly for, and they fought (literally or figuratively) for that cause.

So, next time you go to a ritual, the monastary, or church, think outside your world. Think of the world around you. Think of holidays that are local, federal, ancient or traditional to your family. Or if you have to go somewhere that's outside your faith or belief system, respect it.

You won't die by hellfire by going to a circle. Instead, respect the beauty of the words we speak.

If you have to go to the church with family, don't dread it. There's beauty in scripture.

If you have to go to a monastary, don't ignore your surroundings. Look at the meaning behind the incense, the statues.

And most of all, don't push your image of yourself beyond the capability of respecting and appreciating the world around you.

Violin Hero - Music & Video Games

2009-04-03T08:23:00.000-07:00

Aye, I am quite the geek. I tend to be very adament about what games I play, and the same goes for my music. So when Guitar Hero first came out, and then a few years later Rock Band, I was ecstatic. I absolutely loved the first Guitar Hero, and when the chance for me to pretend to be a professional drummer came into reality, I was even happier. Unfortunatley, I have never owned it. So I borrowed my boyfriend's copy of Guitar Hero: World Tour. I beat it within a week on medium, considering before then I couldn't even play Rock Band on easy as the guitar. Bit of a learning curve, eh?

But it got me thinking. If they can do that with six buttons and a "strummer", would it be possible to do something like that with say, a violin? Or maybe even a lute! Twelve string guitar... the possibilities are endless. A friend of mine posted a notice online that included a picture of the guitar hero controller, and then a picture of what THEIR controller looked like. Someone had photoshopped the GH controller to have six rows of what looked to be 30 buttons, and six separate strummers. Can you say overkill?

Speaking of Overkill. I'm an avid Halo 3 Matchmaking player. Sure, I don't have the Legendary Map Pack, or the Mythic... or Halo Wars... but hey, I've made it up to Lieutenant grade 3 in the three months I've owned the game AND system. And considering I try to keep up in school and tend to go to bed at 9-10 pm any given night. I know for a fact that music effects how I play. If I'm going to be playing some good old team slayer, than I need something that has intense riffs, and a powerful first verse to pull me into that mode: kill or be killed.

My music taste tends to be a mix of whatever suits my mood at the moment. Be it power metal with a taste of despair, jazz with a good bassline, or perhaps an ancient song from Ireland given the breath of new life by Clannad. Something that has texture. And for me, texture can encompass anything from incredible drums, a shoe-in by a lute, or a opening guitar solo that can stir the beast within. The last one is generally the one I use when I play Halo 3.

But for now, I think I'll just stick with GH: World Tour until I can beat if fully. I still haven't gotten 100% on Pull Me Under by Dream Theater!

Writing a Good Paper

2009-04-02T11:58:00.001-07:00

Haha, something we've all done sooner or later, right? Well, it's something that I think more people should understand how to do. Knowing how to write a good persuasive paragraph or research, can lead to perhaps a job writing proposals for companies, or even publishing a paper. But what's the best way to write a paper?

1. Know your enemy!

Yep, you heard me. In order to write a good paper, you need to spend time getting to know your new best friend. Be it a type of disease, a desire to go to a certain college, or how you encountered your first big wave. Go hop onto Google, bike or walk to your local library, or take a small self-exploring sit-down to better understand your topic. The internet can hook you up to other resources (book exchanges, maybe?) that you can use, and most of all, it's free.

At your library, you can also look at actual articles both on a slide viewer or their catalogs. It may take some hunting if you're doing a research paper on a historical event from ancient history, you might not find anything. That's when you have to hunt through the encyclopedias.

If you are writing a reflective piece, think about what event you're doing. When was it? How did it change you? Did it change your view on your life, or change it? Write down your questions, and then answer them.

2. Organize the chaos!

This may take some doing, considering you might be one of those sporadic people like me. There are a few ways to better your paper this way, too. Draw out a web, centering around your main idea or topic, and create three bubbles. Fill these in with either three supporting points, events that happened chronologically, or more detailed information. Stem out from the smaller ones with the stronger points that you don't want to forget.

3. Write the first draft.

Your first draft will NOT be your prettiest. From my years working on newspaper in high school, I've learned two things. ONE: Coffee is the cure to fatigue behind the computer screen, and TWO: the editors are your friends and will make your writing better. Give it to your teacher to read through, or a friend. Or two. Or five! Print out multiple copies of it, and have people edit them. Compare what they said to change, and if you disagree with something, ask them about it. This is only your first draft, so continue to work on it!

4. Make the changes.

Yep. Now it's time to hunt for that one misspelled word, or that run on sentence that needs to be tackled into three. A dirty job, but someone's got to do it! By now you've thought about your topic inside and out, and know it as well as you know your big toe. Did you think up a new way to start it? Find a paragraph that can be rewritten in a much cleaner way? Write it out, and get fresh eyes to take a gander at it. If it works, keep. If no, go back to the old one.

5. Beautify it!

Yes. It's finished now. It didn't take too long, either! But now it has to appeal both literally (ahaha, a pun on words. So witty.) and aesthetically to your reader. Take into consideration these things:

Who is reading it? A teacher, a friend, a newspaper... parents, maybe? Each person is going to look for a certain thing that will lock them in. And for each one, it will be different. Know your audience!
What were the requirements for it? Double spaced in size 12 font? Ariel font? Open-ended? If there has been a previously outlined way of writing it and how it should be turned in, follow those directions. If it requires a cover letter, center the text both in the middle of the paper horizontally and vertically. Don't use capitals in your name, the title of the essay, or any other information. If your paper is going to be read by a newspaper, keep the headline to a minimum. Name, date, section the article will fall under. Make sure it's properly formatted so the editor doesn't get pissed off.
How organized is it? Do you know who's going to read it, and will they be able to follow your line of thought? If not, reorganize things.
Is it gold-frame work? Or in other words, is it something you would put into a $600 gold frame on display at the school or entry hall of your workplace? Would you want your parents to read it, or pastor/clergy to see it? If you don't want your name on your work, there's something wrong with it. Your writing should be something you're proud of! Not scared of.

Maybe you might be the type of person to get scared by an essay or paper.. never fear however! They can be your friend.

Thoughts on High School - Almost a Senior

2009-04-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

Just some things I tend to notice among my days at my school. That's all I can really say about school, is what I've seen, and what I've thought afterwards from it.

Freshman year, I was going through a hard time mentally because of a weird situation that had put me way out of my comfort zone. I also encountered the first teacher ever to make English and Writing fun. I had an A all that year, both terms. It was not an Honors Class.. just strictly English 1-2. But we talked about things that had taken our minds from the infancy of middle/junior high school, to a mindset of what later turned us into our sophomoric selves. I wrote several essays in that class that I still keep.

Sophomore year, I began something else that really changed my outlook on my life. Theater... it's amazing how such a small thing as acting can turn into a catalyst for change. Acting pushes you to push yourself to the limits of your comfort zone, and beyond.

And this year alone... I have met amazing people. In Drama, while at competition and in class... at ACE this year, who go to multiple other high schools in Portland. And Pagan Faire. I cannot stress how incredible it is to work with the women of Sister Spirit in circles. Frodo Okulam, the woman who leads them 95% of the time, is a woman of sheer power and grace.

The last three years I've been in high school, I have grown in who I am... much thanks to my teachers who have mentored me, the people in my life who have loved me, and the adults in my life who have pushed me. :)

A source of Inspiration

2009-04-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

Ah.. took some pictures of things that caught my eye at Pagan Faire. Fabulous place... lots of awesome people. And the stuff I saw, I just have to share. It's beautiful. So some nice pagan eye candy...

What we saw when we walked in.

Some of the displays that caught my eye.... all hand-made!!!

(And yes... that is a little girl in a cloak. She's watching the dancers. )

These pictures do not do this event nor the vendors that were there justice... I was too distracted by the cloaks to get a picture of them. And just for good measure, I'm gonna throw in a pic of the one I got to share it all with. <3

Nearly a year now, of laughing, fighting, playing, swimming, gaming, jellyfish, growing and love. We've had our rough times, but... we have things figured out now. And he is awesome. My Kyle.

Taste of Summer

2009-03-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

Standing in the middle of an urban oasis,
I saw him for the first time with unfiltered eyes.
No holds bar, no limitations...
Just the man that was once a boy.

I'll never forget the way he can smile, and I finally understand what caused her to fall for him in the first place.... because it's the same reason I'm beginning to.

First Post... a Witch in Town

2009-03-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

Hehe. Yes, I am quite witty in my name, eh?

I have lived in Oregon all my life. It's absolutely beautiful here, too. I have been a pagan for nearly 7 years, and plan on studying in Maryland under a HPS after I graduate.

I'm currently deeply involved in Theater, and also in the Engineering program at ACE. I love working with my hands. :)